10: Saying Farewell, but Not Goodbye
I'm sorry that I've missed a couple weeks of posting here. The holidays are a rough time for me. As I posted earlier, I struggle with this time of year. Between being busy with hosting my friends and family, attending work events, and working harder due to coworkers taking time off for their own events; when not actively involved in something to do with the holidays (or the Star Wars premier) I was most likely asleep.
This year was extra rough due to us holding the memorial for one of my best friends over the New Year. For those who don't know my friend; they were one of the most interesting people in my life. They were non-binary, asexual, mixed Cajun and Creole child of Louisiana; with all that entails. They were a geek in both the traditional sense and the modern sense; a fire eating Carnie and gamer nerd. They had a career as a massage therapist, combining their training as a yoga instructor into this. They owned and ran a merch and massage presence in the Ren Faire scene. My friend was not one to be able to grind in an office all day, like I do. Their work had to be creative and unpredictable.
We lost them this last Summer, after a couple year struggle with cancer. I spent a week in Houston with my friend's family and their local friends. Most of those folks, I count as my friends now. We didn't mourn. We celebrated. My friend wanted us to party and launch them into the air as fireworks. They were a big fan of Hunter S. Thompson and aerial fireworks were a good substitute for a cannon. Nobody in our group has Johnny Depp money. The memorial was distanced from the loss by so many months due to Texas fireworks laws. We had to wait for a legal date. Though, us all getting arrested for illegally launching our friend in the air with fireworks would have totally been thematic to our friend's life. It would have also been an awesome "no shit, there I was" story. "There was that time I got stuck in a Texas jail for loading my dead friend up into bottle rockets and firing them into the air over Houston."
Up until this trip, I didn't really get the chance to mourn my friend. Their death was surrounded by several weeks of losing other, more distant, friends and two of my dogs. This was quickly followed by several conventions, including DragonCon. Then there were more deaths and illnesses within my family and friend groups. My mind also is prone to dodging processing emotion and focusing on practical tasks at hand. This means I'm an awesome person to have around in an emergency, but it also means that I'm probably not the best one to come to with your emotional issues. I can't process my own, so I'm not much help with yours. It wasn't until I was alone and sitting on the fold out couch that my friend had purchased specifically for me to sleep on, surrounded by their crafting supplies, that I completely lost it. I sat in that dark room and bawled. This grown ass adult sat in the dark, petting a wig, rocking myself in place, and cried.
I did focus the trip on doing the things my friend loved. I ate at their favorite restaurants. I spent time with their loved ones playing games, watching movies, and indulging in the things they enjoyed. We even went to their favorite "adventure site" to pet alligators and kiss the ass tree.
My dear friend; this is farewell, not goodbye.
This year was extra rough due to us holding the memorial for one of my best friends over the New Year. For those who don't know my friend; they were one of the most interesting people in my life. They were non-binary, asexual, mixed Cajun and Creole child of Louisiana; with all that entails. They were a geek in both the traditional sense and the modern sense; a fire eating Carnie and gamer nerd. They had a career as a massage therapist, combining their training as a yoga instructor into this. They owned and ran a merch and massage presence in the Ren Faire scene. My friend was not one to be able to grind in an office all day, like I do. Their work had to be creative and unpredictable.
We lost them this last Summer, after a couple year struggle with cancer. I spent a week in Houston with my friend's family and their local friends. Most of those folks, I count as my friends now. We didn't mourn. We celebrated. My friend wanted us to party and launch them into the air as fireworks. They were a big fan of Hunter S. Thompson and aerial fireworks were a good substitute for a cannon. Nobody in our group has Johnny Depp money. The memorial was distanced from the loss by so many months due to Texas fireworks laws. We had to wait for a legal date. Though, us all getting arrested for illegally launching our friend in the air with fireworks would have totally been thematic to our friend's life. It would have also been an awesome "no shit, there I was" story. "There was that time I got stuck in a Texas jail for loading my dead friend up into bottle rockets and firing them into the air over Houston."
Up until this trip, I didn't really get the chance to mourn my friend. Their death was surrounded by several weeks of losing other, more distant, friends and two of my dogs. This was quickly followed by several conventions, including DragonCon. Then there were more deaths and illnesses within my family and friend groups. My mind also is prone to dodging processing emotion and focusing on practical tasks at hand. This means I'm an awesome person to have around in an emergency, but it also means that I'm probably not the best one to come to with your emotional issues. I can't process my own, so I'm not much help with yours. It wasn't until I was alone and sitting on the fold out couch that my friend had purchased specifically for me to sleep on, surrounded by their crafting supplies, that I completely lost it. I sat in that dark room and bawled. This grown ass adult sat in the dark, petting a wig, rocking myself in place, and cried.
I did focus the trip on doing the things my friend loved. I ate at their favorite restaurants. I spent time with their loved ones playing games, watching movies, and indulging in the things they enjoyed. We even went to their favorite "adventure site" to pet alligators and kiss the ass tree.
My dear friend; this is farewell, not goodbye.
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