09: Customer Service War Stories or... The Public Can Frequently Be Ridiculous

I used to work in customer service positions that put me in contact with the public. These jobs ranged from fast food to being a barista to managing retail to an international hotel company's call center escalations. Here are a few of my eye rollers from the call center.

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Internal assist call...

(Guest is from Africa. Agent is from the Caribbean... mutually unintelligible accents. Guest is booked into an all-inclusive resort.)

Agent: This guest keeps asking me why her reservation doesn't show the males included.

Me: As in secondary names?

Agent: I don't know. She just keeps repeating her question about all males being included in her rate.

Me: Uh... this is an all-inclusive hotel. I think she's saying meals, as in food; not males, as in boys. None of our hotels include boys for the guest's enjoyment as part of the rate. 

Commentary: Not even our Amsterdam hotels offer more than directions to the brothels.

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Woman booked in Canada. Woman is mad that she's being charged more in U.S. Dollars than she thought she should.

Me: Did the amount charged in Canadian Dollars match what you were quoted?

Her: Yes, but...

Me: That is all the hotel is responsible for. Conversion rates are based on the economy and when your bank processes the charge.

Her: But it was this amount when I booked.

Me: Conversion rates are only valid for the time of charge, not the time of booking.

Her: But...

Me: I'm not compensating you for the fact that the Canadian Dollar is stronger against the U.S. Dollar this week than it was last week. Sorry.

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Caller: I can't figure out how to download your app onto my Blackberry. I want to earn the promo points for using your app.

Me (thinking, "Who the fuck uses Blackberry anymore?"): We don't have an app for Blackberry.

Caller: Is there any other way to get those points?

Me: Yeh. If you, a family member you trust, or friend you trust has an Android, Windows, or Apple phone or tablet of any kind you can download the app and make one booking on it, deleting the app off the device after.

Caller: Just give me the points, because my technology doesn't allow me to earn them.

Me: Uh... no.

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Caller: Is this (my company name) corporate?

Me: Yes.

Caller: I'd like to file a complaint against a hotel.

Me: Okay. Were you a guest at the hotel?

Caller: *long ass pause* Uh... yes?

Me: Let me get that started for ya. What name was your reservation booked under?

Caller: *another long ass pause* I wanna make it anonymously.

Me: Unfortunately, we can't take anonymous complaints. For problem resolution, we need to be able to track what employees had contact with you as the guest.

Caller: Oh... never mind. *click*

Commentary: Thought it was B.S. the second they had to think about whether they were a guest or not. We get a lot of folks trying to get their exes fired, former employees (or people denied employment) trying to get hotels fined, etc.