01: Who Am I

I should probably introduce myself. I can’t assume that all of you already know me. Hi, my name is lilalexei. Not really, but that has been my internet handle or gamer tag since 1997. I'm a middle aged, queer, geek. What does that mean? For me it means a lot of things. 

Before I dig into the queer or geek components, I want to address why I added my age group. I mention being middle aged because it factors strongly into both my queer and geek experiences. I’m GenX; that teeny Generation with a huge date spread that is trapped between the two 800 pound gorillas, the Boomers and Millennials. More specifically, I am just old enough to have seen Star Wars when it first opened. I am also young enough to have grown up playing video games. I also remember watching my own government ignore the AIDS crisis as the older queers around me died.

By geek, I mean a lot more than the fact that I’m a fan of what is now called “pop culture.” I was absolutely the nerdy kid who was in the ‘gifted and talented’ classes, read loads of books, played video games, learned coding, costumed as sci-fi and fantasy characters, played Dungeons and Dragons, was socially awkward, and had coke bottle glasses. Bullying and ostracizing of people with even one of those items on the list was very common, when I was growing up. This was well before there were comic conventions in every major city and celebrities proudly discussed their geeky hobbies.

By queer, I mean that I don't fit the one man one woman model of relationship dynamics. I’m Genderfluid, meaning that I don’t place a strong attachment to my own sense of gender and have presented as Male, Female, and Neither. I’m not picky about pronouns. I’m also Asexual, but not Aromantic. I am emotionally and mentally attracted to people, but not physically. The labels that I currently wear really weren’t around when I was first exploring my queer identity, but I’ll get into that whole journey in a later post. Queer people weren't so much bullied as outright killed, when I was young. Sadly, that’s still happening.

Why a blog? I’ve tried blogging off and on for over ten years, but it just never seemed to last. Here I am again, giving it yet another go. Previously, my attempts were instigated by something that pissed me off. Usually, something in politics or the local fandom community. When that energy petered out, so did the blog. The only other kind of blogs I have done were In Character writings from the perspective of a role-playing game character I was playing. Those blogs would end when those gamed ended. This time it’s actually instigated by several of my friends. I post a lot of long rants and stories on my personal social media. My friends seem to think I should blog these things instead of locking them up on the Book of Faces.

I have a lot of hobbies and interests. They range from geeky items to baseball. My posts will probably wander all over the place over the course of this blog. I’ll make sure to tag and title things, so that folks can skip over the items that aren’t of interest to them. If you just want specific posts, you will be able to find them. There’s no need to subject the uninterested to a long rant on why the professional baseball playoff system annoys the crap out of me.

Some of the better, old game stories will be migrated from those closed blogs to this one. I’ll make sure to include context. Song lyrics, safe for work fan fictions, and poetry I’ve written and stored away will be posted. Discussions of events I’ve attended will make an appearance, along with photos of some of the better bits. This will include conventions, concerts, protests, and festivals. There will be posts full of my political and activist rants. My friends like to joke that I’m a weirdness magnet and this has given me a near endless supply of “no shit there I was” stories. Hopefully, you will all get something out of it.

The comments section will be left open, but spammers and trolls will be deleted. I want folks to feel comfortable sharing their own, on topic, experiences and to be able to ask any relevant questions. To forestall the “freedom of speech” argument. The right to free speech means that the government can’t arrest you for speaking your mind. It does not mean that I and my followers have to be subjected to it.