The Queek Files

I used to work in customer service positions that put me in contact with the public. These jobs ranged from fast food to being a barista to managing retail to an international hotel company's call center escalations. Here are a few of my eye rollers from the call center. ========== Internal assist call... (Guest is from Africa. Agent is from the Caribbean... mutually unintelligible accents. Guest is booked into an all-inclusive resort.) Agent: This guest keeps asking me why her reservation doesn't show the males included. Me: As in secondary names? Agent: I don't know. She just keeps repeating her question about all males being included in her rate. Me: Uh... this is an all-inclusive hotel. I think she's saying meals, as in food; not males, as in boys. None of our hotels include boys for the guest's enjoyment as part of the rate.  Commentary: Not even our Amsterdam hotels offer more than directions to the brothels. ========== ...

Here is one of my older filks. I actually won a prize for it. This one uses the tune and story flow of an LDS (Mormon) hymn. My version is a hymn for the Sabbat Sect from the Vampire: The Masquerade role-playing game. “I Am a Childe of Caine” Parody Lyrics: lilalexei Original Lyrics: Naomi Ward Randal and Darwin Wolford ( I Am a Child of G-d ) Original Tune: Mildred Tanner Pettit (I Am a Child of G-d) I am a Childe of Caine And he has made me here, Has given me an eternal quest With powers strong and queer. Keep me, drive me, chase behind me, Teach me all the rites. Drill me in all I must do To be as strong some night. I am a Child of Caine And so my Beast is great; Help me to comprehend this news Before it grows too late. Keep me, drive me, chase behind me, Teach me all the rites. Drill me in all I must do To be as strong some night. I am a Childe of Caine. Rich vitae is in store; If I but learn to hunt my prey, I’ll live for ...